Keep them guessing, without Oil of Olay!
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
It's too far for them to walk!
Who invented the telephone?
A real ding-a-ling!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
There are several possible reasons:
How can you tell when it's time to change your socks?
When you throw them against a wall, they stick!
How can you tell when it's time to throw them out?
You come back an hour later and find that they've moved up five
centimetres!
Why did the boy roll in the mud, then cross the road twice?
He wanted to be a dirty double-crosser!
Why is it difficult to have a conversation with a goat?
It keeps butting in!
What do you get when you cross a DC-9 with a rabbit?
A hare-plane!
What's the difference between broccoli and snot?
Kids won't eat broccoli!
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station!
Why did the Owl 'owl?
Because the woodpecker would peck her!
How can you make a kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
Why did the chicken go halfway across the road?
She wanted to lay it on the line!
Why was the teacher cross-eyed?
She couldn't control her pupils!
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie-talkie!
How do you stop a charging bull?
Take away its credit cards!
What's the best way to kill a blue elephant?
Shoot it with a blue-elephant gun!
What's the best way to kill a red elephant?
Hold its nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue-elephant
gun!
Why was Goliath so surprised when David defeated him with a stone?
Nothing like it had ever entered his head before!
What is a photographer's lament when the film developer hasn't finished
developing the pictures yet?
"Someday, my prints will come..."
Who was the greatest market analyst in the Bible?
Noah – he kept his stock afloat while the rest of the world was in
liquidation!
Why do elephants paint their toenails with bright colours?
So that they can hide in a box of Smarties!
Have you ever seen an elephant in a box of Smarties?
That just goes to show how well it works!
Where are cars mentioned in the Bible?
In several places, actually:
Storms and Tempests are also mentioned several times.
Why do white sheep eat more than black sheep?
There are a lot more white sheep than black sheep!
Where is baseball mentioned in the Bible?
In several places, actually:
If a man smashes a clock, can he be accused of killing time?
Not if he can prove that the clock struck first!
What do you get when you cross a bungalow with an airplane?
A house-fly!
What do you get when you put fifty pigs and fifty deer in the same pen?
A hundred sows-and bucks!